You Keep Ordering Black Coffee (Even Though You Really Want a Latte)

Let me tell you a story.

You walk into a coffee shop. You already know what you want. A latte. Creamy. Warm. Comforting. The kind of drink that feels like a deep exhale. You step up to the counter… and instead of ordering the latte, you say: “I really don’t want black coffee.” The barista pauses. Blink. Blink. “…Okay,” they say slowly. “But what do you want?” You shrug. “I just know I definitely don’t want black coffee.” Now the barista is confused, but they nod and walk away. Ten minutes later, the coffee shop is buzzing. Drinks are being made. Names are being called. The barista scans the orders, trying to remember yours. And the only thing that stuck in their mind? Black. Coffee. Why? Because that’s all you talked about. So when your drink finally lands on the counter…You guessed it,  Black coffee.

None of this happened because the barista was being mean. Not because the universe is out to get you. But because you never clearly ordered the latte.

Now Read This Slowly…

When we say things like: “I don’t want to feel invisible.” “I don’t want to struggle anymore.” We’re not saying what we want; we’re responding to what already hurts. That’s a reaction. It’s your nervous system saying, “Please make this stop.” Life (or the universe, or your brain, however you frame it) doesn’t process emotion the way we do. It responds to patterns of focus. So when your attention keeps circling: what’s wrong, what’s missing, what you’re exhausted by, and what you’re trying to escape, that becomes the loudest signal. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because attention is instruction. So “life isn’t confused” means: Life isn’t judging your intentions. It’s responding to what you’re repeatedly pointing at.

This Is Where the Shift Happens

At Pinkicing Self-Esteem Workshops, we don’t teach you to pretend everything is fine or “just be positive.” We teach you to get clear because clarity changes everything. Instead of: “I don’t want to be ignored,” “I want to feel confident, valued, and deeply seen.” Instead of: “I’m so tired of struggling,” try: “I am ready for more ease, stability, and abundance.” Instead of ordering from fear, exhaustion, or survival… You start ordering from self-worth. And that? That’s when life finally knows what to bring you.

So Tell Me...

If you walked up to the counter today, no explanations, no apologies, no fear, what would you actually order? Say it. Own it. And then here’s the part we don’t talk about enough… Moving forward doesn’t mean your fear disappears. It doesn’t mean you suddenly have it all figured out. It means you stop negotiating with what hurts and start choosing what feels aligned. It looks like: speaking what you want out loud, even if your voice shakes, making one small choice that supports ease instead of survival, noticing when you’re defaulting back to “I don’t want”,  and gently redirecting and allowing yourself to believe that wanting more doesn’t make you ungrateful.

Moving forward is clarity in motion. It’s choosing direction over perfection. It’s trusting that self-worth is a valid starting point, not a reward you earn later. So don’t be surprised when the latte finally shows up. Because when you’re clear about what you want,
life knows exactly how to meet you there. 

Cheers,

Coach Jo <3