gentle reminder that peace is possible.
There was once a time in my life when something as simple as a bubble bath felt impossible. Not because I didn’t want it, but because I couldn’t have it. I used to dream about it. A warm tub, soft bubbles, a quiet house, and a cup of tea resting on the edge of the tub, but it never went the way I imagined. Even if I did everything “right”… Dogs put away, house shut down for the night, babies finally asleep. I would quietly sneak away, run the water, add the salts, light the candles, and just as I began to sink into the calm, Bang. The bathroom door. A reminder, a complaint, something I forgot, something I didn’t do well enough, something I should have known. The moment I tried to rest always became the moment everything fell apart, and it didn’t stop there. Unfortunately, sleep wasn’t safe either. The lights would flick on. Voices would rise. Tension would fill the room. I lived in a constant state of doing, cleaning, fixing, helping, proving, and still, it was never enough. I felt numb, invisible, exhausted in a way that no amount of sleep could fix.
And then… something changed.
Not all at once, not easily, but slowly, bravely, I chose me! I chose to step out of the cycle, I chose a different life for myself, and for my kids, and tonight? Tonight, I am in the bath. The bubbles are soft, the mineral water is warm, there’s a glass of rosé sitting beside me, and for the first time in a long time, there is no fear attached to this moment. No one is banging on the door, no one is waiting for me to come out so they can argue, no one is keeping score of what I didn’t do, Instead, my youngest is in his room, laughing and watching The Simpsons. My oldest is in the living room with his stepdad, cheering on the Edmonton Oilers during their playoff run (and yes, I’m still a Flames girl, but my heart is full listening to them laugh and cheer together). My dad is relaxing with his pup, lost in music from a lifetime ago, and our cats are curled up in their favorite spots, completely at peace. The house is calm, and there is something I never used to have, Peace.
This is what choosing yourself looks like.
It doesn’t always look big. Sometimes it looks like leaving, healing, and rebuilding your life from the ground up. And sometimes, It looks like a quiet bubble bath, where your nervous system finally has the space to exhale.
A gentle reminder for you
If you are in a place right now where rest feels unsafe, where you feel like you are walking on eggshells, where no matter what you do, it’s never enough; Please hear this: This is not your forever. You are allowed to choose a different life. You are allowed to want peace. You are allowed to build a home that feels safe in your body. And yes, you are worthy of the life you dream about. Even the simple parts. Especially the simple parts.
From one woman to another
I didn’t just find a better life, I chose it, and along the way, I found a partner who builds with me instead of breaking me down.
A man who listens to me, who respects me, and who loves me, not just the polished pieces, but the healing ones too! And, while I am so grateful for him, I am just as proud of the woman who decided she deserved more! So tonight, as I lay here in this bath, surrounded by calm and full of peace, I am reminded of something I will never forget
“The life you’re dreaming of isn’t out of reach, it’s waiting on the other side of the moment when you choose yourself.”
Cheers,
Coach Jo <3
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